Welcome to your Confidence Catalyst Newsletter – helping you speak up, step up, and stand out.

This edition, I want to shine a light on something that may have quietly shaped a lot of your decisions:

People pleasing.

People pleasing is sneaky. It often presents as kindness or professionalism, but underneath, it can lead to overworking, self-silencing, and putting your own needs last. I see this so often and it leads to frustration, resentment and often burnout.

It often starts with good intentions — being helpful, liked, trusted, seen as the team player. But over time, it can become a pattern that pulls you away from what matters most to you.

You’re not alone if you’ve ever said yes when you meant no, dressed up what you want to say so it lands better for others, or twisted yourself into a version of who others needed you to be.

Here’s how we tackle it – through our usual three lenses:

Mindset – From External Validation to Internal Alignment People pleasing thrives when our self-worth is tied to what others think. We chase external validation, fear letting anyone down, and prioritise keeping the peace — even at our own expense.

This week, notice when your decisions are being shaped more by how others might feel than by what feels important to you.

A powerful question to ask yourself: 👉 Am I doing this because it is important to me, or because I am focused on others?

Behaviour – Be honest – Start small. Practice saying what you really think, feel, or need — even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Every time you resist being true to yourself, you are losing a little piece of you. It might even feel like you are being inauthentic. You don’t have to be mean or say no to anything, to start with it is about resisting that automatic yes!

Instead try these 👇 🗣 “Let me get back to you on that.” (Buys you time to reflect.) 🗣 “I’m not able to take that on right now.” 🗣 “That doesn’t work for me — but here’s what I can offer.”

The key is not to stop being kind — it’s to stop abandoning yourself in the process.

Compassion If you’ve been stuck in people-pleasing mode, clarity is your compass. Start noticing your real wants, boundaries, and limits — even if you don’t act on them yet. Awareness is progress. Pay attention and notice when you are editing, avoiding, or overcommitting, when you see it, you can change it by choosing something else.

Remember, some of these patterns have been present for many years so be kind to yourself, because:

💛 You were likely praised for being nice, helpful, or low-maintenance.

💛 You may have learned early that safety came from being agreeable.

💛 You’ve likely helped so many others shine — it’s time to do the same for yourself.

Be proud of your support for othersand give yourself permission to support yourself just as much.

So… where have you been over-giving or over-stretching yourself?

What would change if you stopped trying to please everyone… and started prioritising you?

Hit reply and let me know — I’d love to hear.

Have a brilliant week,

Kirsteen

Need help breaking the cycle of people pleasing? Book a one-off Confidence Catalyst session — we’ll uncover where the pattern is showing up, and help you set new boundaries that feel empowering, not scary. 🎯 £175 for 60 minutes – Book here

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