Welcome to your Confidence Catalyst Newsletter

For years, I thought being capable meant doing things on my own.

Asking for help felt uncomfortable, like I was being a burden, showing weakness, or losing control.

When I set up my coaching business after leaving corporate, one of the first things my coach got me to do was to write to 20 people who I felt could support me in my business.

This felt sooo uncomfortable, I had lost touch with some of these people and I was worried about how they would judge me, maybe they would think I was annoying or worse still desperate.

I remember being sat at my desk at 3am ( I couldn’t sleep!) thinking about who were these people and what would I say.

I wrote my list, crafted my LinkedIn message and pressed send. Oh, did I miss out the overthinking!

Then I panicked, what would people think, what would they say?

Guess what? So many of those lovely people came straight back to me and wanted to help. I had some fantastic conversations and was introduced to other people as a result.

What was the worst thing that happened?

Some people ignored me!

I am now very used to that, and that is ok.

I know that asking isn’t a weakness. It’s a form of influence.

When you ask, you build connection, invite collaboration, and give others the opportunity to be generous. Added bonus, feeling generous is a dopamine hit! Have you heard the term “helpers high?”

Let’s explore whatasking really means through the lenses of mindset, behaviour, and compassion.

Mindset: Asking Builds Connection, Not Dependence

We often assume people will justsee our hard work or guess what we need. They won’t. People aren’t mind readers and when you ask, you make it easier for them to help you.

Here’s what shifts when you see asking differently:

• You create connection, not obligation.
• You signal confidence, not neediness.
• You open the door to possibility, not rejection.

When you ask, you’re not taking, you’re inviting others to be part of your success. It’s leadership in action.

Behaviour: Be Specific, Bold, and Unapologetic

The most effective asks are clear, specific and easy to respond to.

Try this:

• Be specific – “Could you introduce me to someone in strategy at X company?” not “Can you help me network?”
• Make a big ask. You might be surprised how often people say yes.
• Have a backup smaller ask if your big ask is denied. It shows flexibility and makes it easier for others to say yes.
• Be unapologetic No over-explaining, no shrinking, no softening the request.

Other behaviour tips:

• Ask at the right moment , when the person has context and capacity.
• Match your ask to their influence, align what you need with what they can easily offer.
• Follow up with gratitude, it keeps the relationship strong and the door open.

Remember, confidence in asking is contagious, it inspires others to do the same.

Compassion: Asking is a Gift

Think about how much you enjoy helping others. That warm feeling of being useful, trusted, and appreciated? That’s what you give whenyou ask.

You’re giving someone else the opportunity to contribute, to feel valued, capable, and connected.

And if the answer is a no? No big deal. It’s rarely personal. But if you don’t ask, you guarantee a no.

So, ask, because you are confident and other people love to help.

Now, Take Action

This week, experiment with asking:

• Make one clear, bold ask that feels slightly out of your comfort zone.
• Prepare a smaller backup ask.
• Notice how people respond when you ask with clarity and confidence.

You might be surprised how generous others are when you simply give them the chance.

Have a great week,

Kirsteen

PS If you’d like support in asking strategically and amplifying your influence, you can book a one-off session with me for £175 here. Take my Confidence Quiz here Or join my Confidence and Career Success Club here, a community designed to help you grow your confidence, visibility, and career impact.