Welcome to your Confidence Catalyst newsletter, helping you speak up, step up and stand out.

When I was first setting out on my leadership journey, one of the Regional Directors said something to me that completely changed how I thought about leadership.

He said:

“Until you stop expecting everyone to perform like you, you will not get a bigger leadership role.”

At the time, I did not fully appreciate what he meant.

I just knew I was frustrated.

Frustrated that not everybody worked with the same urgency.

Frustrated that people approached problems differently. Frustrated that what felt obvious to me did not feel obvious to everybody else.

And honestly I probably spent a lot of energy trying to get people to think and operate more like me.

He also told me I needed to stop being so serious.

Which then triggered my “humorous years.” 😬

Only to later be followed by: “You need to take things more seriously.” 🤦

Classic.

And I think this is what so many people experience at work.

You spend years trying to become what everybody else tells you you should be.

Be more confident. Be less direct. Speak more. Speak less. Be warmer. Be tougher. Be more strategic. Be more approachable.

At some point, you end up disconnected from yourself because you are trying to perform leadership instead of understanding how you naturally lead best.

This is one of the reasons strengths work matters so much to me.

Because strengths work is not about putting people in boxes.

It is about helping people understand:

How they naturally think

How they influence

How they build relationships

How they execute

And once you understand that, everything starts to make more sense.

Let’s look at this through our usual three lenses:

Mindset: Your way might not always be the best way

One of the biggest mindset shifts in leadership is realising that your strengths are not universal.

The things that feel easy and natural to you may feel exhausting to somebody else.

And vice versa.

Some people naturally move fast. Some naturally analyse deeply. Some naturally create connection. Some naturally challenge ideas. Some naturally bring calm.

That does not make one better than another.

But many of us unconsciously build expectations around our own way of operating.

And that is where frustration starts.

Because leadership is not about creating mini versions of yourself.

It is about understanding how different people succeed differently.

Behaviour: Strengths explain behaviour more than we realise

This is the part I think leaders underestimate most.

Strengths are not just interesting insights. They show up in behaviour every single day.

The person who asks loads of questions may not be difficult. They may genuinely need certainty before moving forward.

The person who challenges everything may not be negative. They may naturally think critically and strategically.

The quieter person may not lack confidence. They may simply process internally before contributing.

Once you understand this, you stop personalising behaviour so much.

And instead of asking: “Why are they like this?” you start asking: “How do I get the best out of this person?”

That question changes teams.

Compassion: You don’t need to become someone else

I think a lot of people are exhausted because they are spending so much energy trying to become what they think leadership is supposed to look like.

Instead of understanding the value of how they already naturally operate.

That does not mean we do not grow. Of course we do.

But growth works best when it builds from self-awareness, not self-rejection.

There is a huge difference between: developing yourself and constantly correcting yourself.

One creates confidence. The other creates exhaustion.

And when people feel understood for what they naturally bring, they usually perform better too.

Final Thought

The best leaders are not the people who can do everything themselves.

They are the people who understand how to unlock the strengths of others.

As a certified Gallup Strengths Coach, I work with individuals and teams to help them understand their natural talent themes, build confidence in what they already bring, and turn those talents into strengths.

I offer:

• 1:1 strengths coaching sessions for leaders and professionals
• Team strengths sessions to improve communication, collaboration, and performance

If you would like to book a 1:1 strengths coaching session, you can do that here:

The session cost is £200, that includes your full Clifton Strengths 34  report and 1 hour strengths coaching with me.  By the end of our time together, you will have a much better understanding of your natural talent themes and how to aim them towards your goals and challenges effectively.

And if you are curious about running a strengths session for your team, just let me know.

Have a great week ahead.

Kirsteen